Please find a transcription of this video review below:
Here’s the deal: I find most reviews masturbatory. People pack these things with unnecessary poeticism and, frankly, just waste your time with too many details.
Today I’m going to review the Oculus Rift CV1 in a way that’s thorough, but also concise. Now something something iambic pentameter, I’m running out of fucking time.
A person could argue that I shouldn’t have a ten second intro and outro in a five minute review. But what the fuck ever, it’s my video, so behold my ginger-y logo.
First, let’s talk about comfort. If you’re experiencing discomfort when wearing your Rift, you’re doing it wrong.
Now when it comes to eye comfort, there’s a pretty wide range of experiences right now. This is on the developers more than it’s on Oculus, although there’s something to be said about their app review and quality control processes.
If a game like ADR1FT uses a lot of close-up objects, you’ll go cross-eyed to focus on those objects and that’ll cause some eye strain.
Fortunately, those experiences have been few and far between. So as far as comfort goes, I’m giving the Rift a 10 out of 10. If you’re using it correctly, it’s insanely comfortable.
Display and Optics
Now let’s talk about the display and optics. If we met out in the wild and were discussing the CV1, and you started complaining to me about screen door effect, god rays, or glare issues, I can pretty much instantly label you a little bitch that complains about stuff for the sake of being an asshole.
I’m sorry if that describes you, and you’re just now in this very moment discovering that you’re an asshole that bitches about things for no reason.
But seriously – there’s so much to be happy with and so little to complain about comparatively. Is there room for improvement? Absolutely. But the current optics and screen quality are incredibly impressive for the first consumer version. If you’re using it as intended, the technology is very impressive.
All-in-all, I’d group screen quality and optics together for an eight out of ten, and that’s being pretty harsh.
Headphones & Audio Quality
Now, when I saw the on-ear headphones that the Rift was being shipped with, I was reminded of my old Sony Walkman days with that one ear that shorted out and left me with involuntary mono sound for half my childhood. I honestly didn’t know you could get sound that good out of on-ear headphones.
They swing, swivel, and pivot in just about every way imaginable, are comfortable almost to the point of going unnoticed, and produce impressively immersive 3D sound. If you’re an audiophile, they might leave you disappointed. But for the average consumer, there shouldn’t be any complaints.
If there are, please recall my previous comments about being a little bitch that complains for the sake of being an asshole.
Audio gets a 9 out of 10, only because the audiophiles will probably DDOS me if I give it 10 out of 10.
Let’s talk about the most subjective topic of this entire review: aesthetics.
Look at it, guys. There it is. You either think it’s attractive, or you don’t.
Personally, I think Oculus has done a great job here. It’s basically a box you put on your face, so how great is it going to look? And yeah, it has fabric on it, but what the fuck? Are we children that can’t be trusted to put our Cheetos down long enough to not fuck up our $600 non-dishwasher-safe virtual reality headset?
Don’t touch it with potato chip fingers or jizz hands and you’ll be fine.
I rate the CV1 a 10 out of 10 on aesthetics. I’m not sure anyone could have done much better with present-day technology.
Overall Virtual Reality Experience
The future of virtual reality looks incredibly bright, and the Oculus Rift CV1 is one of the biggest reasons as to why. Yes, it has its kinks, but nothing to stop anyone that’s interested in virtual reality from buying now. The screen door effect, nose gap, god rays, occasional glare issues, and anything else you might see people bitching about are few and far between. You’re free to enjoy complete immersion for at least 80-90% of the time you spend with your Rift.
The biggest gripe anyone could have with the Rift’s immersive qualities right now is the lack of Touch controllers. If you’re desiring an immersive room scale experience that allows you to use your hands or walk around in your virtual environment, the only option on the market as I’m creating this review that’ll fulfill those needs is the HTC Vive.
Even factoring in the lack of Touch controllers, I’d give the overall experience a 7 out of 10. If the Touch controllers aren’t being factored in, I’d give the Oculus Rift CV1 a rating of 9 out of 10. It’s a young technology, but for the first consumer version… man. This thing kicks ass.
If you’re just judging virtual reality on your past experiences or what you’ve heard from bitchy assholes on the internet, give the CV1 a try. There’s undeniably room to grow, but I’d be willing to bet that if you’re using it right, you’ll be blown away.
That’s It! Thanks for Reading/Watching
If you have questions about the Oculus Rift CV1 that I didn’t answer in the review above, feel free to leave them in the comments section below. I answer almost all of my comments within 24 hours.